UFO Convention

UFO Convention

At a UFO convention in Las Vegas I couldn’t take my eyes of a rail thin girl with multi colored hair  wearing a skin tight Star Trek uniform that outlined her curves as Jeri Ryan’s costume in Voyager did hers.

The girl I eyeballed was smoking hot too, as my friends used to say about Ryan. I shuffled over to her on my size 18 web footed snow shoes I purchased to leave Bigfoot tracks in the snow, but wore now with my one piece alien costume that covered me from head to toe

in green and purple splotched latex that represented an alien from a snow covered planet.

“Are you from Earth?” I asked.

She gazed at me with her purple irises that spun and changed color every two seconds. Never knew they made contact lenses able to spin.

She smiled and filed down teeth showed. Must be fake, but they sure seemed real. Then her calming voice washed over me like an ocean wave that washed away my fears of rejection and opened a world of possibilities. Her sharpened teeth became a thing of beauty to me. I wanted her to bite my tongue. I put a hand to her waist and flew against the wall.

She smiled again and said, “You can look, but never touch.”

“Damn girl, are you electrified?” I looked for a battery pack, but nothing could be concealed under the clothes she wore. Her hair, it must be hidden there. I raised my drink as to make a toast and dumped it onto her head. Sparks flew. I knew I must have figured right when her face began to melt and metal shone through.

The Jeri Ryan look alike pointed a metal finger at me, grabbed me with her vice-like-hand, and hung me out of the window on the 25th floor. I kicked and screamed and tried to return inside, but she laughed a sweet robotic sound and said, “Never, never make a robot mad.”

“How can a robot be as beautiful as you?” I said.

Her sharpened teeth took a bite of the glass she held in one hand. I heard it crunching as she chewed it and then spit out a fine spray that cut through my latex costume and into my skin. I felt the metal fingers holding me losing their grip, so I tried to reach safety by swimming through the air. During my struggle the pieces of glass she had blown on me began to cut into my skin and blood showed.

“Look,” she said in a voice that came out robotic. She yanked me inside and shook me until blood flew like drops of water from a wet dog “I’ve found a human,” the changing voice said.

The convention goers surrounded me in a circle when she dropped me to the floor.

“I want to operate to see what makes it tick.” Came from one armpit of an alien who had six. “No fool,” came from another, “Have sex with it to see if it can conceive hybrid beings like us.”

A snakelike alien with two heads said, “Be careful, where there’s one, there’s a thousand.”

Fear lit all the aliens’ eyes because it was right. I blew the Boy-Scout whistle I wore around my neck and the Disintegrating  Swat team burst through the doors and windows with lasers blasting and soon only puddles of gore covered the dance floor.

All that was left of my dream was a puddle of gore and I’d never know how it would have been to have sex with Jeri Ryan, even if she was a robot look-alike.

“You really liked her, huh?” The swat commander said.

“Hate to admit it, but I did.”

“Birds of a feather,” the commander said.


“Made it so you’d bleed like a human.”

The commander aimed his laser at my hand and pulled the trigger. My skin melted and blood dripped from my metal hand.

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