If You’re Too Old to Cut the Mustard,
You Can Always Lick the Jar.
Born again as a Christian, Larry included
rage, passion, and religion with porn in print,
until the day a neo-Nazi shot him in the back
only because he didn’t like to see black on white
in Larry’s rag.
Paralyzed and always in pain, Larry no longer
believed in God or that he lived in the land of
the free. From a chair with wheels, he fought the
established regime by rescuing John Delorean
who designed the GTO to race the wind.and then
built the Firebird, Grand Prix, and the DeLorean,
Barely hanging on and unable to smile, the feds
convinced him to deal in drugs to save his dream.
At the end of the day, they threw him in jail, but like
a knight on a white horse, Larry came riding in with
a surveillance tape showing DeLorean’s arrest was
clearly a case of entrapment,
Those in charge sought to stop its broadcast, but
Larry showed the nation this was different and by
their own admission the government payed a
handsome price for this arrest.
15 feds came to take the tape from Larry, but they were out of luck,
because Larry claimed he took too many drugs to remember where it was.
The judge, who thought his bench gave him the power of God, ordered Larry
to reveal who gave it to him.
Dressed in a diaper made from an American flag, Larry told the judge,
” I’m not your slave, and I refuse your illegal demand. Arrested for
desecration. The judge said, “Six months in a psychiatric prison!.”
“Motherfucker is that the best you can do?” Larry replied.
“Make it 12!” Judge Motherfucker said.
“Motherfucker, is that the best you can do?”
“Fifteen months!” Motherfucker declared and Larry went to a Missouri
prison from where he ran a satirical piece in Hustler, on Reverend
Jerry Falwell that showed the holy man in an outhouse with his mother
where he said, “Drunk off our God-fearing asses and Mom looked better
than a Baptist whore with a $100 donation.”
Offended, Falwell wanted it suspended, and said, “You can’t say that
about my mother.” He filed a $45 million lawsuit. Larry only got a slap
on the wrist but he risked financial ruin in defense of his First Amendment
rights when he appealed the decision,
The Supreme Court’s unanimous decision was 8-0 in favor of Flynt.
Larry’s still kicking today and came in 7th to replace Governor Gray.
Thanks to Larry, not only is Delorean free, but like a hero, Larry clearly
got the high court to say, “Public figures presented in parodies and satires
cannot sue because their feelings are hurt and enlarge it into something that it’s not”
And believe it or not, Larry and Jerry are friends today.