An excerpt from “The Penis Manologue.”

Men and Guns –

What is it about men and guns? Is a gun like a penis extender that makes us feel all manly about being able to blow someone’s brains out from 50 yards away? Is that manly? Talking about an extender reminds me of condoms, and the most effective condom ad I ever saw was pictures of fruit with warts all over from not using protection. Natural, robust, assertive masculinity in our society is defined by some as a disease that must be cured. Being a man used to be so simple. Young males had role models and knew exactly how to talk and act like a man. Today all I ever hear is that men need to become more sensitive. Supposedly, we should be as talkative as women and get in touch with our banal feelings.

I see white, upper-middle-class mothers cling to their whiny sons. The result of this stalls the evolution of masculine identity, which requires boys to leave the maternal nest. Is it any wonder that in the U.S., white male children learn to use guns before they learn to use their penises, while Hispanic and black male children learn to use their penises before they learn to use guns? Don’t believe me? Look at the birth rates and see who’s using their Hockey Sticks.

Males need to start a penis revolution—burn our jock straps and jockey shorts as the women burned bras in the 70s. Let penises all hang freely in their natural state. No more penis suppression or imprisonments—give them freedom or they’ll all be deflated.

It’s been proven throughout history that penises are irreplaceable, so maybe they could go on strike, and demand support. Although some may not need support, many do, especially the older ones. Penises need to stand together to demonstrate penis power and demand women support them when requested.