Lincoln Park Zoo
Sunset came, and the gates were closing at the zoo. The animals all wore big smiles, tonight Grady was on duty. Grady was the only one who could speak their language and when he was on duty he opened all the cages if promised by the inhabitants they wouldn’t run away, or eat any body, or any of the other animals. All the animals were so happy for a few hours of freedom they gladly made and kept this promise.
“There he goes,” Nasty Nutsy squirrel said, “Letting all those animals loose again,” Nasty Nutsy picked up his peanut and scooted up a tree to hide it before one of the elephants found it. “I don’t beg for peanuts all day to have Jumbo or Dumbo eat what I got for acting cute.”
“Acting is the right word,” Peabody pigeon said, “I know you being cute is only an act, how else would you have gotten a name like Nasty if it didn’t fit?”
“Look who’s talking, Peabody, with a name like that you must’ve peed in your pad,” Nasty made the sound a squirrel does when it laughs.
“Come on let’s get to the swimming pool before all the good spots are taken,” Nutsy said.
The swimming pool was where the Penguins lived, they were glad for the company as all the animals that promised Grady to be good came here to socialize. Tanya Tiger playfully chased the baby seals.
“See what I mean, Nutsy said to Peabody, that tiger wants to eat those babies,” he sniffed around Jumbo, looking for any peanuts that may have been dropped.
“That’ll never happen and you know it Nutsy.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know all about the loyalty oath, any animal who doesn’t keep its vow to Grady will be eaten by all the other animals that kept their promise,” Nutsy groomed his tail and found a piece of gum stuck in it. “When are they going to outlaw chewing gum, don’t they know this stuff could kill a squirrel?” He emitted a grunt of pain as he tried to pull the gum from his furry tail.
“Hey Nutsy, let me help,” Grady the zoo keeper said, he gently removed the gum without hurting Nutsy at all.
“Well, what do you say?” Grady asked.
Nutsy mumbled a thank you. The pool was getting crowded now. Two elephants a hippo, one tiger, and many smaller animals were swimming, enjoying the cool water on a hot summer night.
“Oh no,” Nutsy said. “Here comes Pauly, Polar Bear. He has his own pool, why is he coming to use ours?”
“He’s lonely locked in his cage by himself all day long, he don’t have any company, only stinky humans. He only comes to see Honey brown bear.”
“Just a minute, what do you mean stinky humans? They’re the ones that feed me peanuts and popcorn all day long,” Nutsy picked a piece of candied popcorn off the ground to show Peabody.
The roar of Leo Lion sounded before Peabody could answer, “Stinky, I’ll tell you what stinky means. Every morning they walk through the lion house and the air gets polluted with after shave stink, perfume stink, deodorant, and hundreds of other human smells. Many of them smell as though they haven’t licked themselves clean in a day or more.” Leo Lion walked to his throne at the very center of the pool.
The giraffe’s stood in the water and their long, long necks made perfect slides for the tiny monkeys that climbed the trees and slid down the giraffe’s necks into the pool. The Giraffes loved the feeling of the furry little bodies massaging there very long necks.
Leo Lion let out a tremendously loud roar. All animals became quiet and still at this signal from the king. “First I’d like to thank our good friend Grady for unlocking our cages so we can all enjoy this beautiful night, free under the stars. Secondly we’ll listen to any silly human observations,” Leo roared, and that meant the meeting was underway.
“I’ve got a good one,” Granny Groundhog said, “Believe it or not, I saw a big human spanking a little one because the little one went to the bathroom without telling the big one it had to.”
The idea caused a great roar, chatter, squeaking and other sounds of animal laughter at the thought of having to tell another you needed to go to the bathroom.
“Hey, King Leo, I gotta go,” Dumbo said as he let go with a wheel barrow full of hot steaming pooh. The loud sound of animal laughter filled the summer night’s air again.
“Me too,” shouted hundreds of animals and the area around the pool was filled with hundreds of piles of poop, some large some small but all stinky.
“Hey, it smells like Stinky Skunk got mad at someone,” again the air filled with the sound of animal laughter.
“Laugh all you want,” Peabody said, “but I saw a human dive to the ground to catch his great granddaughter before she hit the ground. Something any of us animals would do to save our young ones, but totally unexpected behavior in a human.”
Peabody flew into the air, and like a dive bomber aimed at Nutsy while he pooped. A big gooey white ball of pigeon poop headed straight for Nutsy. He saw it coming and ducked out of the way just in time.
“Oh poop,” Grady said, “Here comes the cops,” all the animals that could, ran and hid. The bigger ones had no time to run. They all stood still as statues, hoping that in the dark the cops would think they were statues.
They came in with flashlights blazing bright white light all over everything. “What’s going on here?” Officer Friendly asked Grady.
Grady with a shovel in his hand started scooping up the piles of poop, “Just cleaning up Officers,” he dumped a shovelful into a wheelbarrow.
“Smells like a zoo around here,” one of the cops said.
All the animals giggled under their breath.
“We got a complaint about a loud party going on here in the zoo,” Officer friendly told Grady.
“Just the usual animal noises,” Grady said without lying.
“All right then, we’re outta here, but tell the animals to keep it down,” both cops had to wipe pooh from their shoes before they turned and walked from the zoo.
The animals returned to the pool and had a night long party.

Chapter 2

rrRRR0OOoooooooAARRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr came from the lion house. “Oh oh, Peabody Pigeon thought as he flew close enough to hear Leo Lion moaning with the headache he always got when he ate too many fermented berries. Grady always supplied a few tons of the fermented berries he gets for almost nothing, because the berry farmers think they’ve gone bad. Little did they know the zoo animals loved the fermented berries. All the animals ate them and soon after their moods would become silly. The animals sitting around the pool would look at other animals and laugh and laugh at how silly the other animals looked. Snakes laughed most of all, but none could hear their almost silent hisssiiinnnggg laughter. The snakes laughed at the animals with four legs and a tail. Even funnier were the birds with two legs two wings and a feathered tail.
Snakes laid eggs just like birds, -- well some snakes did, Sneaky Snake thought. One thing about all snakes, they come into this world ready to rumble.
Peabody Pigeon landed next to Sneaky Snake with his wings flapping, “Hey snake, did you hear Leo Lion’s headache roar?” Peabody pecked under his wing trying to get Louie Louse from under his wing. Louie lived in Peabody’s feathers causing him to itch all the time.
“Yeah, I heard him,” Sneaky Snake said, “But it doesn’t scare me. He’s all roar and no bite,” he thought this was so funny he rolled on the ground hissing so uncontrollably he peed in the grass.
“You’re all talk and no action Snake,” Peabody said, “I dare you to get close enough to Leo Lion to pluck a hair.”
Snakes don’t sweat, but if they did Sneaky Snake would have been sweating at the thought of getting that close to Leo Lion with a headache. Even Dumbo the elephant doesn’t go near Leo when he’s feeling bad. But Sneaky knew it was too late now. He had bragged how brave he was and couldn’t chicken out now. The chicken out thought made him snake laugh again and he rolled through the grass hissing uncontrollably.
“Just like a snake, trying to hiss its way out of a challenge, Peabody said.
Sneaky Snake was finally able to stop hissing and said, “What’s in it for me? Make it worth my while bird.”
Peabody Pigeon showed the snake a beautiful bright red jewel he had found while flying over the parking lot, “This can be yours if you do it,” Peabody held it up for Snake to see and the sunlight shone on it, making it sparkle brightly.
“What am I going to do with that, wear it on my little finger?” Sneaky Snake said, and then started hissing again at his stupid joke. Everyone knew snakes didn’t have fingers.
“You could wear it between your eyes and be the prince of snakes,” Peabody said, and set the shining red ruby looking sparkler in front of Sneaky. Sneaky imagined how royal a handsome snake like him would look with a jewel such as this worn between his eyes. “All right, it’s a deal,” Sneaky said and started swiveling toward the lion house.
Peabody picked up the red piece of glass and flew to a nearby tree branch to hide it.
Nasty Nutsy Squirrel rolled over, stretched and yawned as he saw Peabody flying by with the beautiful red shiny piece of glass in his beak. Nutsy watched as Peabody hid the bright red glass in a knot-hole halfway up the tree Nutsy called home. He rolled out of bed, licked his paws clean, and then wiped his face with the damp paws, shook out his bushy tail and scooted down to the knot-hole to see exactly what Peabody had hidden there.
Nutsy fell in love with the bright red color of the glass and wanted it for his squirrel hole. “Finders Keepers,” he said and carried it up to where he lived. When he returned to ground level he immediately started begging peanuts from humans by putting on his cute squirrel act. He’d run one way, stop and run back where he came from, then turn around and run back again. For some reason the humans thought this cute and threw him a handful of peanuts. Once he hid them he headed on over to the lion house to see what was up with Leo roaring so loud he scared the humans.
“AAAHHH, EEEEK, a SNAKE!” a woman screamed, Sneaky Snake slithered directly at her. He loved to hear the humans scream, and they always did at the sight of him being loose amongst them.
“Snake, Snake,” the screaming women yelled and started to run, but tripped over her own feet. Sneaky Snake hissssed and laughed so hard he thought he was going to pee right there on the lion house floor. Suddenly the woman lying on the floor reached over and grabbed Sneaky by the tail and started swinging him around and around.
Do snakes get dizzy Sneaky wondered, and knew he was about to find out as she swung him around and around. She let go of his tail and he went flying over the top of the partition, and try as he did, he couldn’t stop himself from landing on Leo’s aching head.
“RRRROOOAARRR” Leo said, “I’m going to eat you for lunch,” Leo told the snake.
“Wait, Your Majesty, King of the Zoo, King of Beasts, Oh mighty King of the Jungle, before you eat me. It was the human lady who threw me at your head. Instead of eating me, let me go and bite her.” Sneaky swayed back and forth while he spoke to Leo Lion and his see-saw motion and calm hissing voice soothed Leo’s anger.
“Darn humans, they come into my house and stink it up, and to top it off, throw a snake at me, I want more done than just her bitten. I want all the humans out of the zoo,” Leo put his head between his paws and let out a painful purrrrr.
“Okay king, I’ll put the word out,” Sneaky Snake put his snake lips on Leos hairy mane pretending to be giving him a goodbye kiss, this was how he managed to pull a hair from Leos mane. Visions of a sparkling red jewel between his eyes made Sneaky the happiest snake in the zoo. He slithered as quickly as he could to find Peabody Pigeon and claim his prize.
Unknown to Sneaky Snake and Peabody Pigeon, Nutsy Squirrel has the red stone now.
Sneaky Snake disregarded crowds of humans walking the pathways through the zoo. Usually he’d sneak through the grass unseen, because the sight of a four foot long green and white snake always disrupted human traffic. He didn’t stop to think what he was doing, all he could think about was how beautiful the red sparkling stone was going to look affixed between his eyes and he couldn’t wait to get it from Peabody. He held the hair so bravely plucked from Leo’s mane, while he was at his meanest, foulest mood no less. He remembered Leo wanted all humans out of the zoo, but if he told anyone, the minute he moved his lips, the hair he had between his thin snake lips would disappear and he wouldn’t be able to claim the bright red jewel looking stone. What’s a Snake to do? How Am I going to tell anyone what Leo wants. He knew if he didn’t spread the message, Leo would be so mad -- he’d probably be the main course at Leo’s dinner that night.
He remembered how the gum had stuck to Nutsy’s tail yesterday. Humans were always throwing garbage and gum on the sidewalks, so Sneaky figured if he found a piece of gum, he could stick the hair to it then be able to shout the orders from King Leo without losing the hair. He’d simply pluck it from the gum and go on and find Peabody. He watched a small human who chewed gum and then would stick the gum between his teeth and blow a large bubble. The small human had just blown a very big bubble when a large human slapped the small one and said, “Spit it out right now,” the little one did as he was told. It’s my lucky day Sneaky Snake thought as he swiveled his snake body over to where the fresh hunk of bubble gum lay on the sidewalk.
He pushed the hair into the gum expecting only the hair to stick, but his face got stuck in the large chunk of soft gooey bubble gum. The more he struggled to free himself, the more stickier the gum got it seemed. He tried to yell for help, but the gum stuck over his mouth became a bubble. He panicked and screamed the loudest hiss he knew how, but no sound came out, because all his breath was trapped in the gum. The bubble got bigger and bigger the longer he screamed the bigger it got.
“Look, a snake blowing bubbles,” a small human cried out. Soon a crowd of humans gathered around Sneaky Snake. They all laughed and pointed at him. This made sneaky so angry he tried harder to hiss and scare these humans away, but the more he hissed the bigger the bubble got. Camera flashes were going off by the hundreds as all the humans wanted a picture of a bubble blowing snake.
Sneaky watched as the bubble got bigger, Leo’s hair stuck in it moved further and further away from him. Oh what am I going to do now he cried as he pictured himself sitting on Leo’s dinner table?
Chapter 3


Sneaky Snake prayed to Degei, the Snake god. “Please Degei, help me. I promise I'll be good from now on,”
Sneaky heard a voice inside his head saying, “I made humans so you wouldn't be lonely, yet you scare them any chance you get. You've been a very bad snake and I don't see why I should help you remove the bubble gum from your face,” Sneaky knew this was his conscience answering him.
“I only scare people because it's so much fun to see them scream and run in fear, I would never really hurt one,” he tried to rub the gum off by crawling through the grass. Now the bubble gum was covered with pieces of grass that blocked his vision.
“All right, all right, I promise, I'll be good to people from now on,” Sneaky saw Grady stepping through the crowd that watched him.
“Poor little snake,” he said, he picked sneaky up by the back of his head and carried him to the area where all the equipment for maintaining the zoo was kept.
Now I know why they call this “Maintenance” Sneaky thought.
“Don't be frightened snake,” Grady said in a low soothing voice, “I'm going to have to dunk your head in water for a second,” he tried to put Sneaky's head in a bucket of water.
Sneaky panicked -- maybe he's trying to drown me, or once he gets me in the water he'll cook me and feed me to Leo. Sneaky struggled and squirmed as hard as he could, but Grady, a strong man held on until Sneaky tired himself out.
“Listen snake,” Grady said in his soft soothing voice, “Don't you know I'm here to help you. You spend all your time with Peabody Pigeon. One day Peabody is going to find a wife and you'll be all alone, unless you come to accept us humans as your friends.” He set Sneaky on a work table and tried pulling the bubble gum off his face.
“OW, Ouch, That hurts Sneaky cried,” lucky for sneaky Grady understood all who lived in the zoo. He stopped pulling.
“Are you going to trust me to put your head in the water?”
Sneaky knew Grady must have been sent by Degei to help him. He still couldn't hiss his reply because the gum stuck his lips shut, so he nodded his head in accent. He would trust Grady.
“Hold your breath snake,” Grady dipped his head in a bucket of warm water for a short time and while Sneaky's head was under water he was able to pull the gum from his face without hurting him.
Sneaky's head emerged from the water, instead of thanking Grady he hissed, “The hair, the hair, where's the hair?”
“Why the hare's in the rabbit house with all the other rabbits. Why are you asking about the hare?”
“Not that kind, I mean hair.”
“That's what I said, hare,”
“NO, No, hair.” Sneaky sputtered as he hissed vehemently.
Grady scratched his head and Sneaky's eyes followed his hand, “Oh you mean hair,” he said when it finally hit him Sneaky was saying h-a- i-r not h-a- r-e. “What hair are you talking about?”
Sneaky told Grady how he bet with Peabody and he got one of Leo's hairs to win the bet. But the hair was now stuck in the bubble gum, along with pieces of grass dirt and whatever else stuck to it. Grady put the piece of gum on the worktable alongside Grady who looked at the mess and saw all the debris stuck to the gum, but no hair. Sneaky started snake wailing, a long low hiss that got louder and louder.
“Stop that wailing snake, we'll find it if it's still there,” Grady switched on a light with a round magnifying glass in the center. Grady looked through it, Sneaky looking up saw a giant eye and let out a scared hiss.
Grady laughed, he showed Sneaky there was nothing to be afraid of by showing him how when he passed his hand in front of the lense, it appeared much larger. He held sneaky while he put the chunk of bubble gum under the magnifying glass. Sneaky was surprised how large the small pieces of grass became.
“There it is, there it is,” Sneaky hissed in excitement as he saw the hair that now looked ten times bigger than it really was.
Grady picked it out, “All right Sneaky, I'll carry it while we go and find Peabody. It wasn't long before Peabody flew by and spotted them.
“Well did you get a hair?”
“I've got it right here.” Grady said.
“What did The King say when you took his hair?” Peabody asked.
Oh my God! Sneaky remembered Leo telling him he wanted everyone out of the zoo. He didn't want to tell Grady, because Leo wasn't his king, he was only king of the animals.
“Well let's get this red sparkler and see how exotic looking it'll make Sneaky Snake,” Grady said.
Peabody flew to the tree where he had hidden it. “It's gone, somebody stole it,” he didn't know Nasty Nutsy Squirrel had taken it.
“Pay up Peabody, I know you're trying to get out of paying me,” Sneaky hissed.
“I swear, I hid it here, and had every intention of paying you when you fulfilled the agreement to get me one of Leo's hairs.”
Grady set Sneaky on the grass, “You're going to have to figure it out without me. I've got work to do.”
Nasty Nutsy sat in the tree watching and laughing the squirrel laugh. He ran home to admire the bright red jewel now hanging above his bed.
“We can argue about payment later, I need you to fly around the entire zoo and tell everyone Leo wants the people out of the zoo today,” Sneaky told Peabody.
“How're we going to do that?”
“He didn't tell me, just fly around and tell everyone what he wants, and each of his subjects can follow his orders in any way they want.”
Peabody flew to every cage and animal house in the whole zoo. The birds, insects, reptiles, animals, and even the zoo fish were made aware of The Kings orders.
Nutsy heard the order and laughed so hard he fell out of his tree. He knew how funny it was going to be to watch the people chased from the zoo.
Chapter 4

“Look, dancing fish,” a little boy ran to the water’s edge to watch. Soon visitors lined the shore of the small lake. Suddenly, all fish, working in unison, wagging their tails and jumping high into the air and landing with a big splash, especially the giant Carp who lived in the lake. They made the biggest splashes of all.
Shouts of surprise rose from the onlookers, although many were soaked from head to toe, most laughed. To see dancing, jumping, and splashing fish, was worth getting wet. They were pointing and talking excitedly when the sky was darkened by so many birds flying above them in a big circle.
“All right, form up,” Peabody told the thousands of birds that followed him, “All birds formed into the biggest flying V anyone ever saw. Peabody led them all on a dive bombing run. He flew directly at the crowd of soaking wet people and let go with a gooey white blob of bird pooh. It hit a man in the forehead. Once he saw his aim was true he yelled, “Bombs away,” as he guided thousands of flying bomber birds directly to the target.
Splat, splot, sploot, and plop sounds were heard as the projectiles of bird poop hit their target. AH, ugh, ooh, and screaming sounds soon followed.
“They’re coming in for a second bombing run,” a pooh covered man yelled loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Run quickly,” a young mother told her children who hadn’t been hit yet.
“Get under the trees,” another shouted.
The crowd of soaked and poohed on people broke into a howling fleeing mob. They pushed and shoved one another trying to reach the trees. They were too slow. The formation of birds flew in low and completed their second bombing run.
“Sounds like a machine gun mom,” a small boy said when he heard the sploot, sploot, sploot sound of the bird pooh hitting the people.
Nasty Nutsy Squirrel almost fell out of the tree again, he laughed so hard. After he recovered from watching this group of wet and poohed on people dejectedly head for their cars to go home he wondered what Leo’s subjects had planned next. He trotted over to the monkey house and got there just in time to see.
“The monkeys are dancing, come on lets go watch. I’ve never seen monkeys dance like that,” a man said to his son.
Nasty Nutsy knew they were up to something so he climbed a tree where he had a good view and saw every monkey in the large cage holding hands and dancing in a circle. Once there was a crowd of people around the cage, the lead monkey gave the signal.
“What are they picking up?” the man’s son asked him.
“Ugh, that’s disgusting. It looks like they’re picking up their own poop. I hope they don’t eat it. If they do it’ll make me sick,” but he continued to stand there watching.
“Awghhh, the monkey threw pooh on my head,” a lady said.
“Oooh, Ahhh, Yuck, and many other expletives arose from the crowd as every monkey was throwing handfuls of excrement at them. Nasty Nutsy laughed so hard he did fall out of the tree he was sitting in. Once he hit the ground he saw the army of rats. Visitors to the zoo hardly ever saw them, but rats outnumbered all other zoo animals. And those lucky rats were free to run anywhere they wanted too, but they all stayed at the zoo with its plentiful food supply.
“Line up in columns of ten,” the lead rat ordered.
Nasty Nutsy tried to count them by multiplying each row by ten, but when he got to two thousand he lost count. Nasty Nutsy didn’t think he could count that high, there were so many rats. He rushed to the highest tree, because he knew once they ran amongst the people there would be a stampede of people to the exits.
“Double time march,” the lead rat ordered, and the columns of rats spread out in all directions.
“Rats, thousands of them,” someone screamed.
“Run, run,” another screamed, and all the people tried to run in every direction at the same time. They bumped into each other. Some got knocked to the ground and rats scooted over their arms and legs. A cacophony of screams arose and the screams set of Nast Nutsy’s laughter again. He gripped the tree tight. He was so high he knew if he fell it would hurt. He couldn’t stop laughing until the last person had gone through the exit gate.
He sat in the tree, trying to recover from laughing so hard and so much. He saw Sneaky Snake looking in knotholes, trying to find the bright red glass Peabody owed him. “Hey, Sneaky,” he called and climbed down to where he could talk to the snake.
“Hi Nasty,” Sneaky said, “Have you seen a bright red stone about this big?” Sneaky curled his tail into a small circle, approximately the same size.
“No I haven’t seen a stone like that,” he knew he wasn’t lying, because it wasn’t a stone at all. It was a piece of bright red glass. “All the people are gone, maybe you should go tell Leo,” Nasty said this to get him to stop asking about the bright red sparkling piece of glass he had hanging above his bed.
“Good idea,” Sneaky said, and slithered over to The Lion House. “Hey; Leo,” he shouted as soon as he crawled through the door.
“QUIERRRRRT, “Leo halfway purred, and put his paws over his ears.
“They’re gone, all gone,” Sneaky hissed softly.
“Good, I won’t eat you today, because you did a good job. Now leave me alone.
Happily Sneaky returned to searching for his bright red sparkler.


Chapter 5

Sneaky Snake searched hundreds of places for the bright red sparkler he wanted to wear between his eyes, so he would appear to be a royal snake. Once he looked so many places without finding it, he decided to demand payment from Peabody pigeon.
Sneaky saw Peabody gobbling up popcorn being thrown by a small human.
“Emily, throw some to that goofy dancing squirrel.” The little girl’s mother said.
While Peabody and a few of his feathered friends ate the thrown popcorn, Nasty Nutsy did his one squirrel act. He walked for ten steps in one direction and turned completely around and walked back to where he came from, then turn and walk in another direction for ten steps and turn around again. By repeating these actions the humans always took notice and thought he was the most talented squirrel they had ever seen.
Nasty Nutsy didn’t care what they thought, as long as they threw him peanuts and popcorn -- he’d do this little dance for them. He was raking in the peanuts when Emily’s big sister, Olivia ran to him, because she thought he was so cute she wanted to give him a hug and a kiss. Nutsy saw her coming and let out a squirrely NOOOOO000, and ran from her without his stack of peanuts he had earned from dancing for the humans.
Nutsy ran smack into Peabody who was peacefully eating his share of the popcorn.
“Look where you’re going squirrel,” Peabody said.
Nutsy was about to give one of his squirrely replies when he was interrupted by an angry hiss.
“Hisspeabody, I risked my life by getting Leo’s hair like you bet me and now I want to be paid,” he hissed every time he breathed out. “If you don’t pay up, I’m going to eat all the pigeon eggs I can find.”
“Somebody took the bright red stone from where I hid it,” Peabody said.
“It isn’t a stone at all, it’s a piece of gla . . . “Nasty Nutsy, knew he should have kept his mouth shut.
“How do you know?” both Peabody and Sneaky asked at once.
“I, uh, I err.” Nasty didn’t know what to say. He knew they knew that he had taken the shiny red glass.
“Nasty, you know I can swallow a squirrel whole, if I don’t have that shiny thing between my eyes in fifteen minutes, I’ll not only eat you, I’ll eat every squirrel in this zoo.”
“Be right back,” Nasty said as he turned and ran to get the shiny red glass from above his bed. He knew Sneaky wasn’t lying, and he didn’t want to be snake food today. He returned to where Peabody and Sneaky waited for him and dropped it on the ground in front of them. “Are you happy now?” he asked.
“Not until its set between my eyes,” Sneaky said.
Peabody picked up the shiny red glass and placed it precisely in the center of Sneaky’s eyes.
“Magnificent, you look absolutely amazing, with that jewel between your eyes you look like the prince of Snakes,” Peabody said.
Sneaky knew he wasn’t lying when he heard a couple of girl snakes who were slithering by saying, “Look how handsome Sneaky is now with that shiny red stone between his eyes.”
Stupid snakes, thought Nasty, it’s a piece of glass, not a stone or a gem, just plain old red glass. But even Nasty had to admit to himself, the glass did make Sneaky look like a prince.
Well, Sneaky thought to himself, this morning I was a common snake, now I’m a prince. Not king like Leo, but prince is pretty good for a snake like me.

Chapter 6

“Sneaky Snake slithered as fast as he could over the slippery surface sufficiently speedy enough to snare any spectator speculating on Sneaky’s Spectacular success in becoming Prince of Snakes. These spectators were smaller Zoo inhabitants who came to pay Leo the Lion tribute every day. To show his appreciation for these gifts of peanuts, popcorn, shrubbery, candy and other such things, Leo let all the zoo animals know these littler ones were under his protection. Not one would dare go against Leo.
Now that Sneaky Snake had elevated himself to “Prince of Snakes” he thought Leo should share this tribute with him. After all, Sneaky was now a member of the royal family. Wasn’t he?
Sneaky slithered into the lion house where all the spectators gathered after donating goodies to Leo, “All you little critters meet your new prince. From now on, bring extra goodies for me too. Your Royal Prince commands it.”
Leo calmly walked up behind Sneaky Snake, and put his long sharp teeth around his head. “RRRR, that glass between your eyes doesn’t make you a prince. I’m the only one who can make anyone a prince,” Leo growled between his clenched teeth.
If snakes could cry, Sneaky surely would have. Not only was Leo telling him he wasn’t a prince, he might swallow him any minute. “But, Your Majesty, King of Beasts, Ruler of the Zoo, don’t forget I helped you rid the zoo of people when you had a headache.”
Leo dropped Sneaky gently to the ground and said in a loud lion kingly voice, “That indeed was a princely thing to do Snake. Let it be known from this day forth that King Leo the Lion recognizes Sneaky Snake as Prince of Lincoln Park Zoo.”
All the littlest animals present bowed to the new prince. Sneaky hissed in pleasure and gave Leo the sweetest hiss he ever emitted in thanks.
Peabody flew to Nasty Nutsy Squirrel’s tree house to tell him the news. “What have I done to deserve this? I made a silly bet with Sneaky Snake and suddenly the snake is Prince of the Zoo.” Peabody flapped his wings in frustration.
“Relax Peabody,” Nutsy said, “It’s only a title.”
“Only a title, Sneaky is already demanding tribute from every animal or bird he comes across. I’ve created a monster.” Peabody pecked under his wing looking for the irritating Louie Louse.
Nutsy laughed so loud it was hard to believe all that laughter could be inside one small squirrel. He couldn’t stop laughing until he fell out of the tree and hit the ground, “Ouch, that hurt,” Nutsy said.
“What are you laughing at -- he’s going to demand tribute from us too.”
“That’s what I was laughing about, when you said you created a monster, I remembered I found a piece of bubble gum yesterday that’s called “Monster Bubbles” and do you remember how sneaky Snake got his face stuck in bubble gum the other day? Well I’m going to give him some tribute all right, a big fat piece of bubble gum.” He started laughing again. Peabody thought it was a good thing he wasn’t up in a tree.
Before long Sneaky Snake appeared at Nasty Nutsy Squirrel’s tree, and demanded tribute.
“Here you go oh Prince of Snakes,” Nutsy threw the piece of bubble gum to him. Sneaky slithered over to it and put his forked tongue on the bubble gum. It tasted so sweet that Sneaky decided to eat it now. He swallowed the entire piece. This is how snakes normally eat. They swallow the food and it digests inside of them. But when the gum got soft it ran into Sneaky’s windpipe and when Sneaky breathed out a large bubble would form, and when he hissed the hiss would be trapped in the bubble, so he couldn’t demand anything from any one while the bubble gum was stuck inside of him. When he inhaled the bubble would contract and the excess gum would stick to Sneaky’s face. Before long his eyes were covered with gum and he couldn’t see.
Sneaky Prayed to the snake God, Degei, “Please. I promise I’ll be a good snake and a benevolent prince from now on. Please make this gum go away,” Sneaky remembered he had promised to be a good snake not long ago. Would Degei the god of all snakes help him after he broke his last promise?
As though Degei answered his question, Grady picked Sneaky from the ground, “What do we have here? Oh, more gum huh Sneaky?”
Sneaky tried to answer, but instead of a hiss coming from his mouth another bubble did.
“Ah I see, you ate the gum,” Grady said, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to flush out the gum with warm water,” Grady said.
Sneaky squirmed mightily when he heard that. He knew what Grady meant when he said flush out. Sneaky knew because when he was a baby snake and still in the nursery he remembered the doctor saying those exact words. “Sneaky needs to be flushed out,” being flushed out meant an, oooohhh I don’t even want to think that awful word, But he did and when the word enema brought back memories of what it was. Sneaky shuddered at the thought. It means the insertion of a liquid into the bowels via the rectum as a way to empty the stomach.
“Okay Sneaky, this isn’t going to hurt a bit,” Grady said.
It didn’t hurt, but Grady had to repeat the procedure five times before Sneaky stopped blowing bubbles. Nasty Nutsy Squirrel and Peabody Piegon were watching through an open window and saw everything. Nasty was laughing so loud he had to put his paws over his mouth so Sneaky wouldn’t hear him.
“Sneaky doesn’t have any ears, why are you worried about him hearing you?” Peabody asked.
“That’s why pigeons are called dumb animals. They don’t know anything. Although snakes don’t have external ears, they have inner ear structures and they hear the vibrations exactly like you do bird brain.”
They turned their attention back to Grady and Sneaky. Grady was saying, “I saw you acting so high and mighty because Leo said you could be Prince. A Prince is supposed to treat his subjects with compassion, not act like a gangster demanding protection money. It serves you right, getting paid for protection and your payment almost killed you. You better start being a better snake Sneaky.”
Sneaky felt much better now that the gum was gone. “You’re right Grady -- from now on I’ll be the best behaved snake in the zoo.”
Grady patted Sneaky on the head and opened the door so he could crawl outside. He saw Peabody fly away and saw Nasty Nutsy running up a tree and knew they had seen everything.
Sneaky crawled home, one very humbled snake.

Chapter 7



“I told you gum could be dangerous,” Nasty Nutsy Squirrel told Peabody Pigeon. “Watching Grady purge Sneaky Snake with water was a hoot. I told every snake in the zoo about their Prince of Snakes getting flushed out. Sneaky will never live this one down.”
“So that’s what all the laughing in the snake house was about. I could hear them hissing away from fifty feet above as I flew over,” Peabody said.
King Leo heard about his newly appointed prince’s actions. First demanding tributes from his subjects, and then getting tricked into swallowing a chunk of bubble gum by a lowly squirrel no less. He was an embarrassment to the royal family. King Leo started thinking that maybe a snake dinner would solve this problem. However Sneaky Snake saved himself from becoming Leo’s dinner when he slithered into the lion house with the news about . . .
“I heard it with my own internal ear King Leo. I can pick up sound through the ground and the conspirators thought no one could hear what they were saying, but I heard every word,”
Leo wanted to hear what Sneaky had to say before he ate him, “What are you talking about Sneaky?”
“They talked about how bad the food was here in the zoo. How if they escaped they could find plenty of choice food in human garbage, and they could lead a life full of adventure and new experiences.” Sneaky crawled close to a hole in the ground so he could slide into it if Leo tried to eat him.
“Dumb animals! It’s animals like that that cause humans to think we’re all dumb. Don’t they know they’re protected here in the zoo? Let them go live in the city if that’s what they want. As soon as they leave I’ll put out the word about the vacancies here, and replacement animals will be lined up around the block. Where else can an animal get a beautiful residence close to the lake, all the food they need, and never pay anything for it?” Leo lay down in a pile of hay, and he let out a long tired sounding sigh. When a lion sighs it sounds like a motorcycle rumbling.
Sneaky Snake scrambled safely from the lion house. With Leo sleeping on his bed of hay Sneaky knew it was safe to exit without Leo threatening to eat him again. If animals were leaving the zoo to go live in the big city of Chicago, sneaky wanted to be with them. He returned to the spot where he had heard the animals who wanted to escape talking. Sneaky laid his head on the ground so he could hear anyone talking close by. He could hear this way because when they talked the sound made vibrations and by putting his head to the ground he was able to hear everything the animals talked about.
Sneaky Snakes Great, great grandfather claimed he had taught American Indians to listen this way. By putting their ears to the ground, The Indians were able to hear if the buffalo were coming. He claimed no self respecting Indian would ever kill a snake once he taught them how to listen as a snake does. In modern times, most people have forgotten how to put their ear to the ground. But not Sneaky Snake, he was now listening to the dumb animals plan their big breakout.
“I don’t think breaking out of the zoo is such a good idea,” Granny groundhog told her cousin Woody Woodchuck. “Why out there in the city it’s so wild, it’s wilder than any jungle.”
“How would you know granny?” a little bear asked.
“Just ask any animal in this zoo who came here from the jungle. Ask them if it’s safer in the wildest part of the jungle or on the streets of Chicago?” She groomed her fur as she talked.
“You’re only saying that because you’re an old granny who don’t want us young ones to have a good time.” Whitey Rhinoceros said.
“Where do you think you’re going to find enough vegetation to eat on city streets Whitey? Grass doesn’t grow on paved streets. Besides you’re so big, the police will be called and maybe they’ll shoot you.” Whitey Rhinoceros was big for a two year old. He weighed almost 8,000 pounds and with two horns growing on top of his snout, he was a fearsome looking animal. Although all the zoo animals knew that Whitey was one of the most loving caring animals in the whole zoo.
“Where are you young animals getting these outlandish ideas anyway?” Granny Groundhog asked.
Dopey Duck spoke up and quacked, “Candy Cat told us how wonderful and exciting life is in the big city. She told us how they gather in alleys and sing until dawn. And Candy Cat told us all about the delectable food humans put in cans just for us animals. She told us how the humans are always stopping to pet animals and say how cute we are. Little humans always cry to take us home with them.” Dopey Duck splashed into the water after her long speech.
“There are always two sides to a story young one. Have you heard about dogs? Dogs that will eat anyone of you they can catch. Or chase you just for fun, or the humans that aren’t so nice to animals. They get angry if you just walk in their yard. Some get scared at the sight of any animal, and they run to get their guns to shoot you. No you don’t know about those things, and I’m telling you here and now, the zoo is the best and safest place for an animal to be. Why guns aren’t even allowed in here like they are on the city streets.” Granny Groundhog sat down because she tired herself out trying to convince the young animals not to leave.
After she left the young animals made their decision, “Tomorrow night at nine o’clock, everyone who wants out of here meet at the main gate. We’re going right through it. No one can stop us now,” Dingo Dog announced.
When Sneaky Snake heard this he knew he should tell Grady about their plans, but to tell a human about animal plans caused Sneaky to wonder if he was betraying his own kind. At that instant he saw Grady coming up the path. Should I tell him? Or should I be at the gate at nine o’clock tomorrow. Sneaky couldn’t decide and sniffed at a piece of gum lying in the grass. He remembered how Grady had helped him twice now. If all humans are like Grady, the city must be a fun place. Should I go and find out for myself? Maybe I’ll . . .

Chapter 8

The thought of roaming the city streets with thousands of people to startle and panic tempted Sneaky Snake. Grady walked by without a hiss from Sneaky. That’s when Sneaky knew he was going to be part of the big breakout. “Hey Peabody,” he yelled as Peabody landed next to a little girl feeding the birds fresh popcorn.
“What’s up?” Peabody asked Sneaky.
“Are you joining the breakout tomorrow at 9: pm?”
“Breakout,” Peabody squawked and for the first time ever Sneaky saw a pigeon laugh.
What an annoying laugh Sneaky thought as Peabody COO, COO COOED, over and over again, until finally he fell onto his side from COOOING so much. “You kill me Sneaky,” he was able to say in between his COOs of laughter. “Don’t you know? I’m as free as a bird,” Peabody said.
“Sneaky had never thought of that. Why Peabody could fly away anytime he wanted to. “Why do you hang around this place when you can leave anytime you want?” Sneaky asked.
Peabody broke out in another round of laughter at this question and his COO, COO, COOING was getting on Sneaky Snake’s nerves and he started hissing. Peabody stopped COOING when he heard the angry hiss. He knew that hiss meant Sneaky may be angry enough to eat him.
“Calm down Sneaky. I couldn’t help laughing. You call the zoo a hell hole? Just wait until you’re out there on the city streets. Talking about streets, won’t even be able to cross one without getting run over.”
“Snakes are tough Peabody. I can survive anywhere. Heck my parents grew up in a jungle before they moved here.” Sneaky stopped his angry hissing thinking of his parents who had long ago gone to Snake Heaven. He wanted to do something to make them proud of him. He knew once on the streets of the city – he’d terrorize so many people he’d go down in the history books as the scariest snake ever.
“Here at the zoo, you’re fed and kept warm in the winter. There are no wild dogs or cats trying to eat you all the time, and there are no cars to run you over if you need to cross a road. Now that Leo has declared you a member of the royal family you’re sure to attract the sexiest, slinkiest snakes in the zoo.”
“That may be true, Peabody, But I want some action, adventure, excitement, thrills, danger, some obstacles to overcome, people to terrify, prey to pounce on, and most of all I want to be free.”
“Free as a bird?” Peabody cooed.
All of Peabody’s objections made sense, but Sneaky knew to prove his bravery he’d have to join in the big breakout. He slithered over to the Lion House to tell Leo he was leaving. He thought Leo would be mad, but now that Sneaky was part of the Royal Family he felt obligated to tell him.
Sneaky saw his reflection in a window of the lion house and saw the blazing bright red piece of glass he wore between his eyes. He knew once he left he’d no longer be a prince, just a common snake. His determination to leave the zoo weakened at this thought until he saw Peabody flying over the fence. If he’s free to come and go whenever he wants, why can’t I do the same? Sneaky asked himself.
There was a crowd of people standing to one side of the Lion House. Sneaky crawled over to see what was going on, and there was Nasty Nutsy Squirrel doing his people pleasing routine. Sneaky rushed toward the crowd and hissed as loud as he could.
“EEEK, a snake,” a woman screamed. The crowd ran from Sneaky and he rolled in the grass hissing the snake laugh.
“What’s the big idea of ruining my routine?” Nutsy’s teeth were chattering because he was so angry, “They were ready to start throwing me peanuts, and you come along and scare them away.”
Sneaky crawled over to a full bag of peanuts someone had dropped in fear when they saw Sneaky coming. “Here squirrel, here’s a full bag of peanuts I got for you, and I didn’t have to beg anyone for them. I got them like a real snake would, by frightening humans,” Sneaky reared up on his tail flicked his forked tongue in and out rapidly and expanded his body in pride.
“Okay, you’ve got that going for you. You can scare people, but the only way a squirrel can get a handout from humans is to act cute for them.” Nutsy dragged the whole bag of peanuts to his tree and stood there scratching his tail, trying to figure out how to carry the entire bag up the tree.
“Are you joining the big breakout?” Sneaky asked Nasty Nutsy Squirrel.
Nasty Nutsy, dropped the bag of peanuts as his teeth started knocking in a squirrel laugh.
Sneaky was fed up with being laughed at when he mentioned the breakout. He wondered how Nasty Nutsy would taste for lunch when he finally stopped his teeth from clattering together.
“There’s a squirrel waiting list for every tree in the zoo. Those city squirrels would give a winters supply of nuts to live in the zoo. You want me to break out?” Nutsy looked at Sneaky Snake like he was nuts.
“Squirrels and pigeons think they know it all. You’re not put behind bars like all the other animals are. They’re put there without a judge or jury -- they’re guilty of no crime other than being what they are. None committed an offense or transgression, yet they live behind locked doors. Prevented from travelling, hunting, fishing, hiking or the hundreds of other thing an animal wants to do. I say set my cousins free. Give us city streets or give us . . . Sneaky couldn’t think of what to say next, but he knew Nutsy got the point. “I’ve got to go tell Leo I’m leaving.”
Sneaky crawled through the open door of the Lion House, and even though it was full of people he crawled against the wall where he was hidden in shadows. He was in no mood to be scaring people. He dreaded telling Leo. He saw Leo holding court with all the Lionesses. Leo saw Sneaky, “Hey Prince of Snakes, come on over here and meet your princess cousins.”
All four lionesses came to Sneaky Snake and sniffed him from head to toe. He started hissing the snake laugh. “Stop, stop, you’re tickling me -- they sniffed him harder and harder. until he was hissing uncontrollably with laughter. He had to coil into a tight circle before they’d stop sniffing him.
Finally he was able to stop hissing and said, “King Leo, I came to tell you I’m breaking out of the zoo.”
“You ungrateful snake, I made you a Royal Prince and you tell me you’re leaving. I didn’t say you could leave.”
“Well, can I.”
“RRRRRRROOOOOOAAAAARRRR.”Leo said.
“Does that mean yes?” Sneaky asked.
“That does it snake. I should have eaten you long ago. I’m having you for lunch right now,” Leo opened his mouth and walked towards Sneaky Snake.
“Wait,” one of the lionesses said, “I’m breaking out too.”
Leo stopped in his tracks surprised when she said that.
“But you’re my pride,” Leo said.
“We’re all your pride,” another lioness said, I’m breaking out too.
“But why?” Leo asked.
“Live free or die,” the first lioness said.
The young lion prince pranced to the center where he could be seen by everyone and began to speak, “I know that freedom is never free, that it is, in fact, the dearest thing in life, for no matter what its costs may be, freedom, always requires the sacrifice of animal life: both, to gain freedom and to retain freedom. I believe that the only animals who have a right to freedom are those who are willing to pay the price of freedom; I know that only those who are willing to pay the price of freedom can be free.
I know that there are always animals whose driving ambition is to "rule" other animals - to deny others their natural rights, and who will never rest until they achieve that end. These animals are the free animal’s natural enemy, therefore, my foe - by their choice, not mine. I believe that it is not only my right to oppose the enemies of freedom with whatever force may be necessary, but that it is my duty, my obligation to oppose those enemies, whosoever they may prove to be. I believe that they deserve no more understanding or compassion from me than they give to me and my fellow free animals
I know that that enemy may include, in addition to zoo keepers my brother, my friend, my neighbor. But that animal or person who would deny me my birthright and my heritage is not my brother, my friend, my neighbor - he is my mortal enemy!
I was born a free animal and I will become free again. I pledge my life, and my sacred honor to defend freedom from all its enemies, and to stand, when called, shoulder to shoulder with all other free animals, in battle if necessary, against even my brother, my friend, my neighbor, and my zoo keepers. I will be free!
Leo hung his head as he said, “You too Brutus,” he slunk off into a corner and laid down, a despondent king.
“All right, you lions are breaking out too. That’s great,” Sneaky Snake said.
“Dumbo and Whitey are coming too,” Brutus said.
“AN elephant and a rhino, cool, nothing can stop us now,” Sneaky said.
The sun rose over a quiet zoo. The Lion House was as quiet as it ever was. Leo slunk around despondent over the fact his nephew and half his pride were going to leave the zoo. Animals all over the zoo were saying goodbye to their loved ones and packing what possessions they could in various places on their bodies.
“How many animals are going with us?” Sneaky asked.
“I calculate over a thousand counting birds, reptiles, like yourself Sneaky, and animals. The fish aren’t coming this time. They have no transportation. The next flood that comes though and they’ll all be out of here,” Dumbo said. “You better go and get some rest Sneaky, there’s a big night ahead for us.”
This day was probably the quietest one in the history of the zoo. Sneaky Snake dreamed of the streets of Chicago. Tonight his dream would come true.






A full moon lights the entire zoo, cages and trees alike appear skeletal in the light. Silence reigns over the zoo. Fear for their children perturbs many of the older animals who know what’s about to happen. This will be the biggest organized zoo breakout in history.
Money Monkey, (He acquired this name because his monkey hands were so swift he’d always steal some money from humans when they came close enough) was sent to the maintenance area to steal Grady’s keys. Once he got them he scampered around the zoo opening every cage and gate he could find.
Quarter to nine and the animals lined up behind the main gate. All waited for Dumbo who was assigned the job of smashing through the gate. Dingo Dog lined up with the others, he looked around and saw Whitey Rhinoceros, standing right behind Dumbo in case he needed help smashing through the gate. Behind Whitey stood Tanya Tiger, Pauly Polar bear with Honey Brown Bear by his side.
“Hey Pauly, don’t you know how hot it gets in Chicago? Where in the heck is a Polar bear going to get cooled off?” Sneaky Snake asked. Sneaky stood to the side of the road so the bigger animals wouldn’t accidently step on him. Like Pauly Polar bear, he was eight and a half feet tall when he stood on his hind legs.
“Haven’t you ever heard of air conditioning Snake? Honey and I are going to find a nice air conditioned cave to live in together, and have baby bears.” Sneaky thought how cute those babies would be and wondered if maybe they’d be born with brown and white stripes like the Zebras had, only their stripes were black and white. He knew they could never live together here in the Zoo where the operators would never allow a white Polar Bear to live with A Brown Bear.
“Grandma Groundhog, what are you doing here? Don’t you know this is the breakout line you’re standing in?” Sneaky asked.
“Of course I know. Somebody has to look after all you naïve animals.”
“Who’re you calling knave Granny?” The Lion Prince asked.
“You misunderstand me sonny boy, I said naïve, not knave. I know you’re brave and trustworthy. Not a knave at all.”
“Where’re you going to live Grandma? Can you dig a hole in the city?” Sneaky asked.
“I don’t know where I’m going to live, but you inexperienced animals are going to need my guidance to survive,” Grandma Groundhog said.
“But we need you around here Grandma,” Woody Woodchuck said.
“I have a feeling I’ll be returning before long. Once these adolescent animals see what life is really like on The Streets of Chicago.”
“OrOOrooww,” came from The Lion House.” Rooooaaaarrrr, Orooooo,” Leo’s crying could be heard by all the animals.
Why’s he crying?” Gazooks Gazelle asked, “I know he’s not going to miss me.”
“It’s because his son, The Lion Prince is leaving and maybe just a little for Sneaky Snake. Leo recently made him a prince. For Leo to do that, he must really like Sneaky Snake.” Tanya Tiger said.
“What’s the holdup? I want to get out of here so I can pig out,” Prudish Pig said.
The clock in the church tower across from the zoo started chiming the time. The animals who knew how counted each chime. Dumbo was one who knew how to count and when he counted to nine he ran right at the front gate. 14,000 pounds of elephant smashed the gate right to the ground and Dumbo led the stampeding animals through Lincoln Park.
A couple who were out for an evening walk saw the stampede coming and couldn’t believe their eyes. “Do you see what I see?” the man asked the woman with him.
“Exactly what do you see?”
Neither one wanted to admit they saw an elephant, a tiger and hundreds of other animals running toward them. Both thought they were probably dreaming. soon the animals surrounded them.
“Hey, over here,” Pauly Polar Bear shouted.
“”What’re we going to do with them?” Tanya Tiger asked.
“Eat them, what else are they good for?” Pauly said.
“Make them dance for food,” Money Monkey said.
“Humans can’t dance,” Henri Hippopotamus said as he waddled toward the two shocked humans.
“Sure they can,” Buzzy Buzzard said. This was the first time he had ever been out of the bird house, but his mother had told him humans would dance out of the way if he flew directly at them.
“All you birds, follow me,” Buzzy flapped his long wings and aimed directly at the spot where the two humans stood followed by fourteen birds of different sizes and color. All of them shouted at the top of their bird voices. They sang, twitted, cawed and croaked making a sound never before heard in Lincoln Park.
The human female screamed and jumped out of the bird’s way. The man side stepped. Buzzy turned around and all the other birds followed and soon the humans were jumping in all directions trying to avoid the birds.
Buzzy perched on a branch above the Jumping humans and said, “I told you they could dance.”
Right above where Buzzy perched sat Nasty Nutsy Squirrel. He wasn’t going to miss the spectacle of a herd of animals marching down the streets of Chicago. The last time he saw something like that was when the circus parade marched through the city..
“We better keep moving before Grady finds out we’re gone Dumbo said. He stepped into the road that led from Lincoln Park to the city streets.
The humans saw the animals leaving and the man took out his cell phone and dialed 911. “There has been a big breakout at the zoo. The animals made me dance. Quit laughing, there were hundreds of them surrounding me. You would have danced too if that buzzard aimed his ugly beak at your face.” He hung up and angrily kicked a tree. “OWWWWW,” I broke my big toe he cried.
Dumbo stepped into the street. He heard screeching noises as cars had their brakes stomped on by incredulous drivers. Granny Groundhog ran up and scolded Dumbo, “What’s the matter with you? Are you a few fries short of a Happy Meal? You tried to cross against a red light, you’re lucky you didn’t get run over.”
Nutsy laughed his squirrel laugh so hard he almost fell out of the tree he sat in watching the disorganized herd. He couldn’t picture a car or truck big enough to run over Dumbo.
“All you animals that just fell off the turnip truck, listen up,” Granny Groundhog said, “cross on green, and stop on red. If you don’t obey traffic laws you’ll be buying the farm.”
People were getting out of their cars to watch the animals cross the street when the traffic light turned green. “I didn’t know the circus was in town,” a man said.
“There’s no circus. Those are escaped and dangerous zoo animals,” another shouted.
“Aaaahhh, wild animals are loose on the streets,” a woman screamed and ran towards the nearest doorway.
“We’re out of the woods now,” Dingo Dog said, and ran over to sniff a fire hydrant.
Animals covered the road and sidewalks of two city blocks. Any humans remaining in those two blocks hid inside of the buildings and watched as the animals rampaged up and down the streets.
“Where’s all the gourmet food humans put in cans for us?” Tanya Tiger asked.
“Did you believe Candy Cat when she said that? I thought you knew she was talking about garbage people threw in garbage cans,” Grandma Groundhog said.
Garbage! Yuk, Tanya Tiger said. At the zoo they fed me fresh meat every day.”
“You know the old saying, ‘You can never go home again’ so get used to the garbage,” Sneaky Snake told Tanya Tiger.
Pauly Polar bear dumped the big metal garbage containers on their sides so the smaller animal could eat, “All for one and one for all,” he said each time he tipped a dumpster on its side.
“Akkk ptooey,” Whitey Rhinoceros spit out the garbage he had tried to eat, I need a drink of water,” he gasped.
“Don’t get bent out of shape Whitey,” Dumbo said, “I know there’s water in these things,” he wrapped his long trunk around the fire hydrant and yanked it loose. Water gushed into the air and all the animals gathered around the fountain.
Whitey Rhinoceros ran into the gushing water and drank his fill, he looked like he was back from the dead. “Be it so humble, there’s no place like home,” Whitey said.
“Over there, a grocery store. There’ll be plenty of meat and fruit for all of us.” The Lion Prince said.
“We can’t just take food without paying for it. That’s how it is on the streets. You don’t get nothing for nothing,” Grandma Groundhog said.
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” the Prince said, “We’ll pay for the food with manure. Every animal go into the store and take what you want, but leave a pile of manure for everything you take. Pay as you go. Or better yet, go as you pay.”
Money Monkey climbed the building with a stalk of bananas. Tanya Tiger chewed a large meat covered bone she found in the butcher shop.
“There’s nothing here I want to eat,” Woody Woodchuck said.
“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Grandma Groundhog said.
The street was filling with water from the gushing where the fire hydrant had been and Sneaky Snake floated on the fast running stream of water. Nasty Nutsy Squirrel ran on the sidewalk beside him trying to run as fast as the water swept Sneaky along.
“I never had this much fun at the zoo,” Sneaky said before he was swept into a sewer.
Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Nasty Nutsy Squirrel heard the loudest hiss he ever heard from Sneaky Snake as the water washed him into a sewer. Nutsy knew snakes could swim, but he worried about his friend any way.
Along came Dopey Duck followed by two little ducklings.
“Stop! Halt!” Nutsy Squirrel shouted, “Watch out for . . .” Dopey Duck and her ducklings got sucked into the sewer by the moving water.
“Help, Help,” he yelled, “Ducks and snakes down the hole.
Brutus the Lion Prince came when he heard the squirrel yelling, “What’s up, squirrel?”
Nutsy told him what happened.
“ROOOAAAAR,” all the animals recognized the voice of Prince Brutus and came running in answer to his roar. “We need a search and rescue team to go into the sewer,”
“I’ll go,” Pauly the Polar Bear volunteered, many animals snickered because they all knew he was too big to fit into the sewer.
“Admirable of you to volunteer Pauly,” Brutus said, but I need some smaller members of our community to go into the sewer to find Sneaky Snake and the ducks,” he looked to see who volunteered.
“Count me in,” Money Monkey said, and ran to the sewer opening ready to climb in.
“I’ll go,” said Larry Lynx.
“Me too,” Busty Beaver and her four sisters volunteered to go.
“Okay, that’s enough. Go on and find them before something happens to them down there.”
“Yeah right, what’s going to happen to ducks and a snake in a sewer? They can all swim,” Prudish Pig asked.
“Do you know what lives in these city sewers? Stinky Skunk asked. “Let me tell you what’s down there. Giant alligators live in the sewers.”
“Alligators don’t live in Chicago -- they live in Florida or someplace else where it’s warm.” Prudish Pig said.
“The ones in the sewer got sent here as pets and were only a few inches long. When humans got tired of taking care of them they flushed them down the toilet. They grew fast and normally can grow up to twenty feet in length, but in the sewers they doubled that size. Alligators find the sewers warm and cozy with plenty of rats and other things to eat, and with the plentiful food supply they grew to tremendous sizes. If one of them sees Sneaky Snake or Dopey Duck and her babies, they’ll be nothing but appetizers for the giant alligators.
“Goodbye Sneaky Snake and Dopey Duck,” Nasty Nutsy Squirrel shouted into the sewer.
“Funny, how absence makes the heart grow fonder isn’t it?” Woody Woodchuck said.
“Am I my brother’s keeper?” Nasty Nutsy asked.
“At the end of the day we all are our brother’s keepers,” Brutus the Lion said, Get that search and rescue team into the sewer, now!”
“It’s so dark in here, I can’t see anything,” Larry Lynx said.
“Better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” Grandma Groundhog said.
“You’re right, better safe than sorry,” money Monkey ran back to the grocery store and purchased some candles. It took him a while to leave a pile of manure in payment for the candles.
“Hurry up, we can’t see a thing in the dark,” Busty Beaver said.
“Curb your enthusiasm, dip your toe in the water and tell me if it’s cold,” Money Monkey said.
“I’m afraid I’ll fall through the cracks, because I got off on the wrong foot,” Busty Beaver said, “Start the ball rolling, it won’t do to hope for a twist of fate to stop Dopey Duck from becoming Duck Soup,” Busty Beaver said.
Sneaky Snake and Dopey duck along with the ducklings, weren’t used to darkness this black. At the zoo there were always lights on. Dopey Duck instinctively understood how to maneuver in the dark by moving at a snail’s pace.
“What’s that?” Sneaky asked Dopey and nodded his head in the direction of two yellow eyes sitting on top of the water.
The eyes disappeared, replaced by jaws lined with long sharp teeth. Sneaky Snake wrapped his body around a thick branch floating by and floated right up to the open jaws and flipped his body over wedging the thick branch in between the two jaws so they couldn’t close.
“You’re so brave,” Dopey said. “If you ever grow feathers I’ll marry you.
Sneaky wanted to laugh. He pictured baby snakes with feathers and webbed feet, but he knew Dopey meant it as a compliment. The stuck open jaws were banging against the sewer wall, trying to knock the branch from its mouth.
“Come on Dopey, we’ve got to keep moving if we’re ever going to get out of here. A long powerful tail smashed into the wall next to them and Sneaky knew who those eyes belonged to now, “Alligator, that’s an alligator trying to eat us for lunch. We’ve got to get out of here. The alligator was rolling over and over trying to get the branch out of his mouth so he could eat Dopey and the ducklings and have Sneaky for dessert.
“Listen you stupid alligator, don’t you know snakes eat alligators. Not alligators eat snakes. Next time I see that ugly tail of yours I’m going to start swallowing.”
The alligator swam away. “Oh Sneaky you truly are a prince,” Dopey rubbed her beak against the shiny red glass still lodged between sneaky’s eyes.
“Snake, Duck, where are you?” Busty Beaver yelled and was heard by Sneaky and Dopey.
“Look a light,” Dopey said and Sneaky turned to see a flickering flame coming towards them. Soon the four Beavers helped by Larry Lynx escorted all four of them toward the sewer opening where they had fallen in. Money Monkey carried lit candles so all could see. The water had been shut off and they could climb out easily.
As they climbed from the opening a loud cheer arose from all the other zoo animals that were happy they survived their dangerous journey down a city sewer.
“Let’s go to where the action is,” Tanya Tiger said.
“Action, I want food,” Dumbo said, “there wasn’t enough in that grocery store to be more than an appetizer for me.”
“Hey dumb Dumbo,” Peabody said as he landed close, but far enough away where Dumbo couldn’t reach him. “Did you think you’d find a haystack on every corner on The Streets of Chicago? There’s probably not enough peanuts in the whole city to feed an elephant your size.”
“But what am I going to do then?”
“Lose weight,” Nast Nutsy Squirrel butted in with his joke and laughed his squirrel laugh with his teeth chattering.
The meat eating zoo animals were starting to look at their fellow zoo animals as prey to be eaten once again.
“Hold on everyone our vows to not eat one another are in force. Any zoo animal that eats another will be eaten by me,” Brutus Lion said.
“Well how’re we going to eat then?” Pauly Polar Bear asked. Pauly wasn’t worried about Brutus eating him. He thought he may end up eating Brutus because he was so much bigger. Then he remembered that Brutus could even eat Dumbo and Dumbo was a lot bigger than him.
“Yeah what and when?” Prudish Pig asked. “I came along so I could eat like a pig, not starve like a pauper.”
Just then Candy Cat came strolling out of the alley where Candy had eaten all the garbage one cat could. “Hey zoo guys, I heard what Pig Lady said and I know when the circus comes to town they come on a train. Somehow there must be food on the trains.”
Candy Cat had to explain what a train was and how to get to the train station.
“All right, line up. We’re all going to the train station to find our dinner there.” Brutus Lion led them all in the direction of the train station.
“What’s he going to do if there’s no food at the train station?” Dingo Dog asked.
“Probably eat people,” Tanya Tiger answered.






Chapter 11,

All the zoo animals formed a line behind Brutus Lion and on his signal they started marching to Union Station. Dumbo followed Brutus and he was followed by Whitey Rhinoceros and Henri Hippopotamus. Hundreds of smaller animals such as Grandma Groundhog and Woody Woodchuck followed them. They in turn were followed by medium sized animals like Dingo Dog and Prudish Pig. Following them to be sure none of the cities wild animals ate any of them was Pauly Polar Bear, along with Honey Brown Bear. Behind them came Dopey Duck and her ducklings. Buzz Buzzard and all the other escaped birds marched together. Tanya Tiger brought up the very end. She was considered the fiercest animal after Brutus. A tiger could scare away any city animal thinking about eating any zoo animal.
“Look at all the food marching down La Salle Street, Alley Cat told Candy Cat,” and licked his chops at the sight of so many plump birds waddling down the street.
“Before you try to eat any of those birds look at the size of the cat that’s protecting them,” Candy Cat said.
People ran screaming when they saw the multitude of animals marching orderly down the street. “Call the Police, call the fire department, call the National Guard, call the Army, people screamed and some dialed 911 and said ‘Man eating animals are loose on the streets of Chicago.”
Peabody Pigeon flew over and saw the pandemonium the animals were causing among the humans. “Hey Brutus,” Peabody yelled as he landed a few feet in front of him, “you animals are scaring the people.”
I gave strict orders that no humans were to be eaten. What are they scared of?”
“I’m not sure Brutus. I guess they’ve been out of the jungle for so long they have forgotten there are other animals besides their selves.” A woman walking out of a store saw Brutus and let out a shriek that would have made many jungle animals proud.
“How can that be? They come to the zoo to visit us all the time and they aren’t afraid there,” Brutus roared in frustration. A man hearing the roar dropped his briefcase and broke out in a run
“Humans have pet animals that can be on the streets without causing them to be scared, but they’re used to seeing dogs and cats running around. Not Lions, tigers, and elephants.”
“What are we going to do? I don’t want to terrify the humans. I thought they’d be happy to see us in their neighborhoods so they wouldn’t have to go all the way to the zoo.” Brutus looked at all the humans running in all directions.
“Oh oh, the cops are coming, and maybe the army,” Peabody told Brutus as flashing blue lights were approaching from all sides.
“Stop. Stand where you are.” A command came over a loudspeaker. They were already stopped when the command came, but when Nasty Nutsy Squirrel said, Follow me and ran into what looked like a big hole in the ground; all the animals followed him running as fast as they could.
Dumbo barely fit into the opening that was a stairway leading into the Earth. The tunnel the stairway led to had tile walls and cement floors. “Wow, never seen a burrow this big,” Woody Woodchuck said as he looked around in amazement.
“You’re kidding right Woody? A Woodchuck’s burrow looks like this?” Brutus asked. He too looked around in amazement at the size of this hole in the ground.
“A woodchuck’s burrow is more than just a hole in the ground Brutus,” Woody said, “It ‘s a complex system of entrances, tunnels, and rooms. Burrows give us woodchucks a place to sleep, raise young, and escape enemies.”
“What do Woodchucks use those shiny steel things for?” Brutus asked. Woody Woodchuck looked at two steel rails leading into a dark tunnel and didn’t know what to say.
“It’s dark in the cave, let’s hide in there until the cops go home,” Brutus said, and was about to jump off the raised cement platform onto the lower area where the shiny tracks led into the dark.
“Hold on Brutus,” Nasty said, “those shiny rails are called tracks and trains run on them and . . .
“Trains! We found the trains,” Brutus shouted. A loud cacophony of sound filled the tunnel as all the animals, birds, and reptiles cheered.
“Food! Where’s the food?” Prudish Pig squealed. She ran in circles, sniffing for food.
“I see the tracks but I don’t see any trains,” Pauly Polar Bear said. As he said that he looked into the tunnel and saw a moving bright light. “I see one, a train’s coming,” he shouted. He watched as the light got closer and closer.
A roaring sound filled the tunnel as the train came closer. The animals all cheered because they thought a trainload of food was coming.
It was a train all right, but not the one they were looking for. This train was lighted inside and all the animals could see the only food on it was people. The train stopped and opened its doors. People started to exit until they saw the platform filled with wild animals. All of them turned around and ran back into the train. It was hard to tell who made the most noise, the screaming people, or the roaring animals.
The doors to the train slid closed and the train left the station.
All the animals became silent other than the rumblings coming from their hungry stomachs.
“Food, food, I need food, and I need it now,” squealed Prudish Pig.
“What’re we going to do?” asked Grandma Groundhog.
Sneaky snake was just now slithering down the stairs and heard what was going on. He was descended from a family of very smart snakes that had helped teach him to read, so he was able to read the map of the subway. “Look this tunnel leads to Union Station. That’s where the real trains are. It says so right here on this map.” All the animals looked where Sneaky pointed but all they saw were a bunch of different colored lines.
“I believe my cousin, Prince Sneaky Snake. I say we follow his advice and head for Union Station where the real trains are,” Brutus said and jumped down onto the tracks.
“Wait!” Is there food there for sure?” Prudish Pig wanted to know.
“Pig, I don’t know anything for sure,” Brutus Lion said. This freedom stuff isn’t all it’s cracked up to be he thought. If I was home in the Zoo Grady would be feeding me some nice fresh meat around this time.
“Come on, lets follow Brutus to the train, Dingo Dog said, and he too jumped onto the tracks and the animals followed and the birds flapped their wings as they flew the few feet down to the tracks. It was harder for the reptiles to climb down, but they all managed. The only animal left on the subway platform was Stinky Skunk with his tail raised in the air.
“Come on Stinky,? Nasty Nutsy Squirrel who was very last in line yelled, “what’re you waiting for?”
“I’m just slowing down anybody who wants to come looking for us.” As Stinky said that he sprayed and the aroma wafted over to where Nutsy waited and he gagged from the stench. He laughed and gagged at the same time because he was picturing what would happen when their pursuers came into the tunnel. Stinky jumped down beside him and they ran to catch up.
The police rushed down the stairway with guns drawn. “Shoot to kill.” Was the orders they had and were prepared to follow orders. Until thay all ran into the subway station and breathed in the odor Stinky Skunk had left for them. There was a mad scramble as they all fought to be the first to get out of the tunnel that smelled so bad they couldn’t breathe. Once they came out of the stairway that led to the tunnel their clothing carried the smell and everyone ran away from them because they smelled so bad. Every one of them had to shower and change clothes after that.
“Do you think those animals are smart enough to do something like that on purpose?” the police chief asked.
Peabody had seen all this from where he perched on a building. He couldn’t wait to tell Nutsy what happened. He missed the stupid squirrel laugh and knew he’d hear it again once he told him this story.




Peabody Pigeon knew his way around the city — people fed him wherever he went. Something about pigeons compelled people to feed them and Peabody had his favorite eating places. Sometimes he’d go to Clark and Division Streets for a gourmet meal of cornbread made special for pigeons and sold as pigeon food by the local bakery. Other times he’d hang around the aquarium. People always wanted to feed the fish, but couldn’t. So they were happy to feed the birds hanging around outside. Sometimes he went to Union Station and strutted around McDonalds. Customers there always fed him good stuff, and sometimes he even got apple pie, his favorite food. So he knew where to find the animals if they got there.
#X#
The tunnel was dark, but not as dark as the jungle, and animals that had lived in the jungle easily found their way in the dark. Brutus carried Sneaky Snake who wrapped himself around Brutus’s neck so he wouldn’t slide off as he trotted along the tracks.
A light appeared way down the tunnel and the more they ran toward it the brighter it got. The tracks took them to a large lighted area that looked just like the area they had just left.
“Are we going in circles?” Brutus asked Sneaky Snake.
“No this is a train stop the humans call stations, and they all look pretty much the same. We have about four more of these until we reach Union Station.”
“You sure are a smart snake,” Brutus said. Sneaky would have blushed if snakes could blush.
“My Aunt Puffy Python used to travel with a snake charmer, and she told me all about subways and stations.” Sneaky puffed up with pride. He knew the reason Brutus carried him was because he could read. Otherwise he would have a hard time keeping up with all the animals that moved at a faster pace than he normally did.
“Slow down,” cries came from the rear where smaller animal and especially reptiles couldn’t keep up with the pace Brutus set.
“Just follow my scent, I want to hurry up and get there so I can find out where the food is,” Brutus said. He trotted a little faster and Sneaky had to tighten himself around Brutus’s mane so he wouldn’t fall off from bouncing up and down as he ran.
Nasty Nutsy Squirrel had gotten a ride from Dumbo by promising him a whole bag of peanuts. Dumbo could keep up with Brutus and wanted to get to the food before the other animals else ate it all.
They passed through lighted station after station and Sneaky thought the humans had stopped running the subway trains because of all the animals running around. The police had finally gotten enough gas masks so they could get by Stinky’s terrible smell he left for them. They were far behind the animals because they walked into the darkness very slow not knowing if the animals were waiting to attack them or not.
“Here it is Sneaky hissed as they came into a lighted station that said “Union Station” Brutus wondered where the trains with the food would be.
Sneaky saw a sign that said “To Trains with an arrow pointing the way. “Follow the arrows he told Brutus. They ran through brightly lit tunnels, scattering people as they went. Brutus roared to let them no he was coming and the roars filled all the tunnels and he heard echoes. “Hey Dumbo, let out an elephant trumpeting sound and I’ll join you in a loud roar, then the people will know for sure we’re coming.” The combined sound could be heard throughout the entire station and people started to panic when Brutus and Dumbo burst from the tunnel into the giant room called Union Station. Neither one had ever been in a room this large. The ceilings were so high birds could fly freely in here, the floors were made from some type of shiny stone and benches were everywhere. But there was no food in sight.
A sign pointed to the trains and Sneaky told Brutus. They ran through a door and saw many trains sitting still at what looked like hundreds of tracks.
“Which ones will have the food?” Brutus asked.
No one answered, no one knew. They ran around looking in all the trains for hay and meat or any other kind of animal food. People were running from the trains and Nasty Nutsy Squirrel loved to watch this. He laughed so hard he fell off of Dumbo’s back.
They returned to the immensely large room and by now all the other animals had caught up and were standing still waiting to be fed.
“Where is it, where’s the food?” Prudish Pig squealed.
“I don’t know what to say, there’s no circus train here with food for us,” Brutus said.
“No food,” Prudish squealed before she fainted.
“Watch this, I’ll show you how to get fed,” Nasty Nutsy said and started doing his cute act. Before long a couple of humans stopped running to watch. A little boy threw Nasty a piece of the candy bar he was eating. Seeing this, Prudish Pig who had recovered from her faint went to where Nutsy ate. She stood on her two hind legs and danced in a circle.
“Look a dancing pig a human shouted. The human ran into a McDonalds restaurant that was in this immense room and carried out a bucket of garbage for Prudish to eat. Seeing the pig getting food for dancing Tanya Tiger who had taken ballet lessons when she was a little cub pranced onto the floor and spun around on her back legs. When she first appeared the people were scared and backed up until one yelled, “She’s dancing for her supper, Give her a dozen Big Macs,” he told the counter person at McDonalds.
Soon Tanya was eating freshly grilled burgers. She didn’t want the bread and gave it to the birds and other smaller animal to eat.
“Come on Dumbo, we’ve got to work if we want to eat. Let’s put on a show for these humans.” Brutus pranced in a circle and Dumbo wrapped his trunk around his tail and followed. Pauly and Honey bears followed them in a wide circle and many small animals got in line as they went round and round.
“Look, it’s a circus parade,” someone shouted. “They look hungry, throw them some food,” another shouted. Ice cream, popcorn, hamburgers, hotdogs, candy bars and any other food the humans could find flew through the air to where the animals danced. Men were opening their briefcases and throwing their sandwiches to the animals.
While they ate the police caught up to them. “Hold your fire men,” the police chief said, “These animals were just hungry. It’s obvious they don’t intend to hurt anybody. Get that zoo guy in here.”
Zoo guy? All the animals stopped eating when they heard that and wondered if he meant Grady. What would happen now that they were caught? Maybe they’d be sent back to the jungles or wherever they came from for being unruly animals. All of them remembered now how nice it had been at the zoo where they were fed every day.
They saw him coming surrounded by armed police. Grady had a determined look on his face and every animal shook with the fear he’d send them away because they behaved badly.





Chapter 13

Some of the smaller animals ran and hid when they heard the police say they were bringing in the zoo guy. “The Zoo guy must be Grady,” Dingo Dog said, and hid behind a bench while a little boy pulled on his tail.
Dopey Duck who was always at the end of the pecking order said, “The Handwriting is on the wall, Grady’s holding all the cards. We better get our ducks in a row because birds of a feather flock together. We all know the early bird catches the worm, and always remember, ‘Don't bite the hand that feeds you.’”
Grady walked into Union Station escorted by twenty police officers armed with elephant guns. “Where’s Brutus?” Grady asked, “Like father, like son it looks like. Once Brutus left the Lion’s den you all have been playing Follow the leader. I know the Grass is always greener on the other side, but are you going to follow him from here to Timbuktu?”
“There’s an elephant in the room,” a police officer said, “and there’s lipstick on a pig.”
Prudish pig dunked her entire snout into a bowl of cherry lemonade and her snout looked like she had smeared lipstick on it. “I’ll take that as a backhanded compliment, my bags are all packed and ready to go, because be it ever so humble there's no place like home. I thought by leaving the zoo we were going to the land of milk and honey. But being on the streets of Chicago is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.”
“I learned good fences make good neighbors because when the big cats get out I know, curiosity killed the cat when I hear of their demise. Home is where you hang your hat, so let’s all march back to the zoo. A Journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, so let’s go together hand in hand.” Grady started lining all the animals up for the march back to the zoo.

“I'll be a monkey's uncle,” Money Monkey said, “Let the cat out of the bag,” he told the little boy who was holding Dingo Dog by the tail. The boy had lured Alley Cat into the bag with a piece of hamburger meat.
Seeing Grady was a blast from the past for Grandma Groundhog, “Every animal better jump on the bandwagon, Grady’s got the skills to pay the bills. And it’s Better safe than sorry. So don’t bite off more than you can chew, Big brother is watching, so let’s Blaze a new trail back to the Zoo.”
A motorcycle escort with their lights flashing led all the animals from the train station back to the zoo. The sidewalks filled with people. Peabody Pigeon flew above the parade of animals to be sure none got separated from the parade. Sneaky Snake got to ride On Brutus’ the lions back. “Look, a prince of snakes,” someone said. The words travelled through the crowd, “A prince is coming, riding on the back of a king. Everyone knew a lion is the king of beasts, but few knew a snake could be a prince. Sneaky Snake silently thanked Peabody for the colored glass stuck between his eyes.
“This is better than that old circus parade,” a little girl said.
“Yeah, they should have a zoo parade every year,” a small boy said.
Grady heard them say this and thought it was a great idea. That way all the animals could see the streets of Chicago without running away from the zoo. He would talk to the mayor about an annual zoo parade.