#300 Stars

#300 Stars2b is Made of Diamonds

The sun creeps over the hill in the morning, neither brightening nor warming my world. Its harsh light pierces my reality. It doesn’t care that I’ve got the blues and can never again be warmed by its light.

She told me I’m not good enough. She wants someone with a job. As soon as she said that ugly word, I knew we were through. Work is something I’ll never do, even though I love her and can’t live without her.

I sit and watch the sun go down over a hill. Darkness comes and stars light the sky. Come home, they cry to me and I’m tempted to go. But the man in the moon whispers in my ear, “Light always returns. Weigh your choices before you act.”

My choices are few because I never went to school, never learned a trade or any other way to earn some pay. When I put my options on the scale, I despair because I find there is no choice. I’d rather die than slave my life away, letting my soul be sucked dry a piece at a time so that when I finally die, there will be no spirit left to fly. Only a dried-out husk will remain, unable to travel to the stars.

Die or work. There’s really no choice for me to make, other than decide if I want this one to be by my side when I travel to the stars. Deprived of her love, this world won’t be long for me.

All I see is darkness and far away space, where soon my soul will go. How shall I go? I don’t know yet, but I’m sure I have to leave this world. A bullet in the brain is quick, but what if I miss? To jump from Sears Tower would be a long frightful trip. Lying on railroad tracks could mean waiting for a train that may be late. Poison is a sure thing, but what if I don’t take enough and suffer? Maybe sleeping pills are the way to go, but I tried them once and didn’t take enough for permanent sleep. They say lying in the snow is peaceful, but it’s cold and I’ll shiver and shake. Maybe I’ll sit in a tub with a razor and cut my wrists. But the water will turn pink, and I don’t like that picture at all.

Wait a minute, why am I in a hurry to go? Take her with me and I’ll have her love for eternity. I go to her house to tell her of my plan. She sees me coming and smiles because she thinks I’ve found a job. Her face falls when I tell her I’ll never need a job while we travel from world to world until we find the perfect one.

“You’re insane! But I do love you. I don’t want to see you die. I’ll get a job if that’s what it takes to keep you in my world,” she says

“I can’t allow you to have your soul sucked dry by a lousy job. You’ll never be able to travel with me if you do.”

“Oh Joe, what are we to do?” I pump the gas pedal; the engine, coughs, chokes, starts up, and fills the air with stinking exhaust.

“Open the door and give us some air,” she cries.

“Take these.” I hand her a sleeping pill. She refuses and I have to force her to swallow it. I watch her eyes close. A fog fills the garage and I get sleepy without taking any pills. Her spirit

floats above her head. She is so beautiful. An angel, I think.

“Wait for me,” I cry, “I’ll soon be dead too.

The door opener roars to life. Sunlight and fresh air seep under the rising door.

“No, no,” I shout. “I want to die.” But my brother pulls me from my car and drags me outside.

She’s dead and I’m not. Her spirit floats away as my brother tells me he has a job for me tending a bridge.

That isn’t work at all, so it won’t destroy my soul. If only I had known that before I sent her, all alone, to travel to worlds I may have only imagined.