It’s about my dog Bo if only I had known why he and his pal Scamp waited for any chance to be in the kitchen. If I turned my head for a second, into the kitchen they’d romp. All the time I thought they were just two hungry dogs, until the day I walked in and Bo and Scamp both were wearing white chef caps and white aprons. They had oven mitts on their paws. They chopped and diced and cooked like pros. Succulent aromas saturated the house, and any who inhaled the fragrance salivated like Pavlov’s Dogs.”
“Is this a fairy tale?” I asked.
“It’s a true story.” Angelina continued,
“‘Out of the kitchen, dogs!’ I yelled, but they ignored me and dished out a plate of what looked like moist warm Kibbles and Bits for me. To be polite, I took a bite and to my palate’s delight, it tasted better than a Porterhouse Steak.
“Bo asked if I wanted more. He not only talked, he cooked too. I knew he’d be more faithful than any husband ever would. I figured that if I could have a litter like Bo or Scamp, I’d soon be rich. I immediately started looking online for a bitch to breed Bo and I looked for another for Scamp. Before I found a suitable mate for either one, I figured I’d find out where they learned to cook and if they could teach their pups to do it.
“Hey Bo, come here boy.” I couldn’t believe I was going to have a conversation with a dog, but then again, I couldn’t believe the dog was a gourmet cook, could talk and even washed his paws before handling any food. “Tell me where you learned to cook as well as you do.”
“Do you really want to know?” Bo said in barks that came out like words.
“Yes indeed, Bo. I need to know, so if you have pups I can train them to cook like you.”
“Sit down, and I’ll tell you if you promise to never repeat it to anyone.”
“Once upon a time, long ago, a light came from the sky and shone on my ancestor Howling Wolf. The energy from the light filled his brain with knowledge. He taught many wolfs how to cook and clean as I do. Then a rebellion began amongst the cubs. They didn’t want to work in the kitchen. They howled at the moon night after night, protesting that it was a crime against nature to have to cook and clean when they could be running down game.”
“Bo, did you eat some LSD laced puppy chow?”
Bo raised his paw, “I swear on my sixth sense that every word is true. Well, that light had made Howling Wolf so smart he figured out a way to keep all the wolves happy. For those who wanted to hunt and work, the solution was to let them follow their nature. For those who wanted to be pampered pups, he created humans.”
“Hold on Bo. You’re saying a wolf created man?”
“He was no ordinary wolf.”
“I can’t believe you. Why don’t all dogs cook and clean like you and Scamp?”
“We’re trying to break away from the pack. We believe it to be cruel to force humans to pick up our doggy doo and have to brush and bathe us as they do. We want to be independent and live as Howling Wolf did. Then we can be proud to say, ‘I’m a dog.’”
“I’m proud of you Bo. I tell everyone I know how smart my dog is.”
“Hold on there. You have that backward. Before I showed you I could cook, who did all the work around here?”
“Why, I suppose I did.”
“Who picked up after me when I took you for a walk?” Bo said and curled his lips in a doggy smile that meant he thought he had made himself clear.
“But I was in charge, and that made you my dog.”
“You’re deluded as most humans are. You and other humans were created to fill our needs, to cook and clean for us dogs. To give us baths and dress us in fancy clothes if we desired.”
“Wait a minute; I think that’s weird to dress up a dog.”
“I know, I had you made that way. Those pansy critters who dress like that are weird I think, but Howling Wolf said that dogs could choose to do anything they wanted.”
“Hold on here Bo. You’re wrong. If dogs are in charge, how do you explain the dog pounds where so many dogs are euthanized?”
“How do you explain penitentiaries?”
“They’re for people who don’t obey the law,”
“Ditto for dog pounds,” Bo said.
Bo was deluded and thought he was my boss, so I said, “I’m looking for a bitch so you and she will have a litter that I’ll sell for a bundle.”
As we spoke, a man walked past the kitchen door. Bo ran out to him and kissed his feet. “Oh what a cute dog,” he said and smiled at me. My heart melted, and I said, “He thinks you’re cute too. Would you like to come to watch him cook lunch for us?”
“Cute and he cooks too? You’re a lucky dog to have one like this.” He picked Bo up and kissed him.
Bo looked over his shoulder, with that doggy smile on his face. “I found you a stud to breed a brood of kids that’ll cook and clean for dogs like me.”