Archives for February 2014

This is why I wrote, “A Penis Manologue.”

Heaven Has Changed



The day to die had come and

the light at the end of the tunnel

beckoned me with promises of

delights told by others who’ve

died and come back to life.


It was going to be great to see

my family and friends who’ve

passed away long before I came

this way and I could hardly wait

to see if they wore angel wings.


My mother waited for me and must

have been blinded by heavens light

because she said, “Who are you and

what are you doing here?


My father who had been a good man

his entire earthly life was feared for the

beatings he administered, just for fun to

all who hung around heaven’s gate



My brothers fought one another and any

friends I thought I might have had became

as ferocious as a hungry lion when

I only said hello.


I searched for God so I could sit at his right hand

and keep all those corrupted souls away? I found

him dressed in an wizard’s smock with a creative

wand in his hand making stars, comets, and other things.


Too busy creating things, he didn’t know that

his heaven had gone to hell.


Added this to my bucket list.

I wholeheartedly agree with this opinion piece from the N. Y. Times.

SOme good ones here.




As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my
mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John  Glenn


When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the
Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When
we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. ~ Desmond Tutu

***** America is the only country where a significant proportion of
the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon
landing was faked. ~ David Letterman

***** I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.
God dammit, I’m a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes

***** After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~
Italian proverb

***** Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right
and  you can walk all over them for thirty years. ~ Betsy Salkind

***** The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’
is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr

***** I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither
would take out the garbage. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

***** You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car
doesn’t. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

***** When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car
or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

***** A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at
kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips.

***** Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~
Harrison Ford

***** The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike

***** Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin
Hall True

***** Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a
conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.

***** Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50
million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~ Arnold

***** We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the
others are here for, I have no idea. ~ WH Auden

***** In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the
furniture naked. ~ Jonathan Katz

***** If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the
impersonators would be dead. ~ Johnny Carson

***** I don’t believe in
astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

***** Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired
by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. ~ Steve Martin

***** Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Jimmy

***** America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~ Doug

***** The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to
anyone. ~ George Roberts

***** If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get
to the airport. ~ Jonathan Winters

***** I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for
it. ~ Robert Benchley

“Are Gay People Similar to Animals?”

For the first time ever, I agree with Sheriff Joe.

Our flag represents everyone of us. Sometimes our government makes bad choices, (Actually a lot of times it does,) but we don’t disown the black sheep in our families and I can’t disown the flag that so many have died for believing it stood for liberty. (Today, that’s is questionable.) But our flag is our flag as our brother is our brother, right or wrong.

So bread and water isn’t much of a punishment for dishonoring those who have suffered truly horrible fates while honoring our flag.


This is the petition to protest the treatment of those desecrating the flag. I hate to see people under the authority of the state be punished, but in this case I feel it’s well deserved and recommend no one sign this petition.